Favorite Things I Shouldn’t Say, But I Sometimes Do

Sometimes words and phrases come out of my mouth that shouldn’t. Shocking, I know! Actually, if you know me at all, you’re probably running through a list of inappropriate comments you’ve heard me say. And while this can be embarrassing (more for my children or husband than for myself), it is a piece of the puzzle that makes me me. Love it or leave it. So in honor of today being Friday and my new pledge to share one of my favorite things each week, I am going to publicly admit to a few of my favorite things I shouldn’t say, but I sometimes do.

1) Said to my four-year old while I’m driving: “If you don’t stop kicking the back of my seat, I’m going to rip your legs off and beat your butt with them!” To which she responds enthusiastically, “Do it!”

2) Said to a fellow baseball mom (who I met for the first time this summer, so she’s still getting use to me) when she informs me that we’ve reserved a local pool for the end of the season party: “Dust off your thong bikini! We’re going swimmin’!” Let it be known, this mom replied that she was already wearing her’s, which tells me we will be good friends for a long time!

3) Said to another mom as we discussed the cost of a preschool we were debating signing our daughters up for: “So, how many poles will I have to work to pay for this each month?” I also may have mentioned that after three kids, I only work the pole in cotton briefs.

4) Said to my children who are fighting and screaming my name from downstairs where they are playing with their friends who are over for the afternoon (as I’m getting ready to take a shower): “If you yell ‘Mom’ one more time, I’m comin’ down there, and I am naked, and your friends will be scared for life, and I will make you pay their therapy bills out of your allowances!”

This list could go on and on…and maybe I’ll make a new list after I’ve had a couple weeks to accumulate a few more inappropriate moments. Or maybe I’ll clean up my ways and start saying things like, “Honey, don’t kick mommy’s seat, please.” or “A pool party! How splendid!” or “What’s the weekly rate for preschool?” or “Just a moment, kids. I’ll be right down to help you resolve your differences.” Nah…just typing those phrases made me feel stifled. Besides, my friends and family wouldn’t know how to respond if I started being all proper and stuff.

Happy Friday!! 🙂

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